One of my dad's favorites.
The preacher has chosen to preach on the need to have no enemies and goes on, quoting this scripture and that to bring his point home.  He's well into his surgery and the need to make friends with everyone and to helps his point get across the thunders across the congregation "I need to know if there is anyone here in this family of friends that can honestly say they have no enemies, I need to have some one rise to their feet and tell us how they have come to the point in their life that all around them are friends, that hey have no one they hate. I need that person to rise to their feet and teach us all how it is done."  WAY in the back old brother Jones rises to his feet (takes a couple of moments to get there, I did say OLD brother Jones) and he says "Reverend, I ain't got no enemies."
"WONDERFUL, brother Jones, tell us all how you did that"
"I OUTLIVED THEM ALL"

Don't think that was what the Rev was after.


LL

Another joke came to mind.

Dr. Christian Bernard, who pioneered heart replacement surgery told this one on himself, and it's one of my favorites.
When you open a patient up to replace a heart, you only have about 6 hours to get the new heart in and wasting no time is critical.  As he was getting ready to install a new heart, he put his hand out of the "cat-gut" It's what they still call surgical suture material, I understand it really was cat intestine years ago (Let us sing praises for better technology) and was handed a "wad" of knots.  Not happy at all he starts "attacking" the wad to untangle it, muttering $#@@%& under his breath.  His surgical nurse asks. "may I help? Doctor" to which he replies " NO THANK YOU. I've been a surgeon for 20 years, I ought to be able to do this" and back to "#@%$^&#$#" A moment later the surgery nurse gentle takes it from his hand and twists that and tugs that and the whole mess untangles in her hand.  She smiles and hands it back and he asks, no to politely "HOW DID YOU DO THAT?" She replies "I've been doing embroidery for 40 years"  

Cruising the web one day.  I cannot believe what I found http://www.twirlgoround.com/
My parents bought one of the ages ago.  We called in the Whirley-gig.  We only had the two man version, but oh my the hours we spend on it.  It was blue and red and got rusty as the years went by, but we rode it to death.  I don't recall any of us hurling on it, but I believe one of the cousins or two did.  They don't make an adult version, yet.  Can't help thinking it would a great exercise and gotta wonder if you could use it to generate power.  It's nice to have a childhood memory my sibs havn't tainted.